My Asian Eyes

Confession... I have always disliked my Asian eyes. Not because I don't think Asians have beautiful eyes, but perhaps it has more to do with not feeling like I ever quite "fit in" being adopted into a white family and growing up in a suburban neighborhood with very little diversity. Regardless, I had quite the epiphany this morning. As Beckett was getting ready for school, he came to me and said he gets sad when he thinks of me being gone and asked if I was ever going to leave and visit God. Ever since his goldfish Spasher died he's had some questions about death, God and heaven. Timing is a funny thing because there have been a few recent life reminders that while my plan is to watch my kids grow up and see them with their kids someday, that isn't always a part God's plan. We don't live forever and we never know when our path and purpose has run its course. Instead of brushing his comments and feelings aside out of fear of how to properly explain "the way of life" to a 4.5 year old, I used this opportunity as a learning lesson for my son. In that same moment it clearly became a lesson for me as well. I looked into his worried eyes and without hesitation it just came to me…

Me: "Beckett?" 
Beckett: "Yes mommy?" 
Me: "When you get sad and I'm not there to hug you, know I will always be with you." 
Beckett: "How?" 
Me: "All you have to do is look in the mirror and you will see that I'm there".
Beckett: "What do you mean?"
Me: "You have my same eyes and so that's how you will know I'm always a part of you and will always be with you no matter what!" 

Beckett looked up at me with his beautiful little Asian eyes and gave me the biggest smile and said how happy he was God gave him my eyes. It was in that moment for the very first time I fully and completely embraced with great pride my own Asian eyes and the beauty they hold for me and both of my children.